I have many fears and I'm pretty sure I haven't discovered all of them. After interviewing people for the past 2 weeks about their fears I soon began to recognise my own. So I made a list:

 1. I can't stand horror movies, I have no taste for them. Granted, I haven't really given them a chance but I'm shivering.


 2. This probably stems from the fact that used to be terrified of movies in general. It sounded like someone was trying to murder me when my parents sat me down to watch high school musical.

 3. I don't know if this counts a fear, as such, but I hate Christmas Dinners I can't stand the smell or taste and end up having ribs, yorkshires and basically KFC. Probably down to school dinners.

 4. I basically have a meltdown if you attempt to put flared trousers on me. I admit they look good on some people but on me they make me want to throw up.

 5. Daddy Long Legs are basically the devil. Flies are annoying and I'm fine with spiders (as long as they're not on me) but flying spiders should not be a thing [I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about them].

 6. I am absolutely terrified of ending up alone. Unloved, unwanted and just a nuisance.

 7. In turn, this makes me petrified of doing the wrong thing, so I end up doing nothing, which admittedly is worse as I feel that I have no personality.

 8. Also, I'm terrified to be myself. I know that not everyone will like me, that's not realistic. But I have very low self esteem from being bullied a lot when I was younger.

 9. I also hate disappointing people. Meaning that I'm a try hard most of the time.

10. Being not taken seriously is also up there, I hate being underestimated and try to keep a bottle on things. But that would scare me.

11. Losing control is also very scary for me.

12. And with the exception of a very select few that I've known for years, I find it very hard to converse with people I know

13. This blog I created to change at least one persons life for the better. A constant fear of mine is that I'm not doing all the people I'm speaking up for justice, after seeing first hand the effects of some things like bullying, depression, self harm, insomnia, anorexia, being in the LGBT Community. A lot of these I am not but I know a ton of people who are affected by it and want to do them justice and make them proud.

14. Death scares me. I don't want to lose my friends or my family and I don't know and can't know what comes after.

15. And my daily fear, is that I won't be able to sleep (properly) as usual and that will affect me negatively for the entire day.

16. Dropping someone in cheer

17. Donuts

So I hope that you learned a lot about me and understand me better.

Charlz x

Hi,

Sorry I've been M.I.A. for a couple of weeks because I underestimated how much time school, dance and cheer would take up and didn't plan accordingly, and I had an amazing post planned for World Mental Health Day last Monday but my insomnia got really bad and I didn't have the energy (ironic that my mental health condition prevented me from writing a mental health post). And before anyone disses me saying that not being able to sleep would make me more likely to write a post it's not that simple and I will explain that and my insomnia in a later post, in short even if I don't sleep I still need to rest.

I will post every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday and potentially on other days. Check my twitter - @charlzappiah and instagram - @thisischarlz at 1930 to see if there's a post or not, and I'll be online until at least 2030 if you want to have a conversation.

See ya chicas

Sorry for no post yesterday I got hit in the head at the end of PE yesterday and my vision went blurry and kept going really weird. So in my few (many) hours off temporary craziness, I started playing Pokemon Go and was therefore too busy to write a post.

Disclaimer: I'm making this more (I-don't-even-know-what-the-word-is) than it actually was but playing Pokemon was actually quite fun and I looked like a retard but I made some new friends.

I dragged my friend Cat around with me who doesn't know what Pokemon is 

How? Well that's still a mystery to me...

And I actually did get hit by all ball at the end of PE though and it hurt like hell...

Today, I had my first Saturday off since maybe February and what would a girl who has the penultimate musical theatre exam next week, you may ask?

Absolutely nothing.

Lie detected actually I watched 3 cycles of Britain's Next Top Model, while pigging out on cheese and crackers, bourbon creams and coconut rings.

Sorry I've been lazy and not written anything of value I just felt bad for not saying hi...

Hey, I'm Charlz and I've been developing this blog for months but have always been procrastinating with the first post.

But today I was eating ice cream in the rain with a jumper on my head (the British weather is never reliable) on the way to dance [because that's what normal people do] and thought that if I can embarrass myself in a town centre then I can definitely effectively do it online.

So eating ice cream in the rain led me to hear this genius line from Megan (@meganwalker890)....

Summer is my favorite day of the year pic.twitter.com/HSLQuutTDo

— Charlotte (@charlzappiah) 12 July 2016

And that eating ice cream in the rain is the key to mental success...

Charlz 

x